Yesterday morning, I woke up and came downstairs to call my mom to wish her a happy birthday. But it was not really her birthday that was on my mind. Twenty years ago, yesterday, was the day I called my mom's pastor, John, to ask if he would like to perform a quick wedding. I was not pregnant at the time, if that is what you are thinking. But my fiancee and I had a wedding license that was about to expire and we had decided to use it before it did.
So, my honey and I drove out to meet Mom's pastor for a few minutes' talk about the commitment of marriage. Then we went home and called our families to invite them to our exchange of vows. (We were very careful to not call it a "wedding" because, like so many women, I still dreamed of a wedding ceremony. That ceremony did not come for seven years, but it did come. It was almost as small as our original wedding and our only family there were our children.) Then, twenty years ago today, Pastor John left during the reception dinner of another wedding he was performing to meet us in his church and officiate the exchange of our vows and rings.
After our exchange of vows, we ate some leftover chili with our family in the basement of the church and opened our single wedding gift (a beautiful ceramic eagle sculpture which was later broken by a certain young man in my living room with a basketball), following which we went to a nice dinner alone with each other and then back to his parents' attic room, where we slept. (Not as romantic as it sounds.)
All day, yesterday, the burden of our upcoming twentieth anniversary loomed over me. You see, this November also marks the fifth anniversary of my discovery of my husband's infatuation with another man's wife -- which also marks the beginning of HIS unbiblical divorce suit against ME. (I wrote down that story, by the way, and called it The Disposable Noble Wife. Although being rated at only 3 stars by Amazon.com readers due to a handful of highly negative reviews, the book won the 2011 Reader's Favorite Silver Award for Christian Romance and has sold thousands of copies!)
Since the discovery of the infidelity and even through our legal divorce, I have been doing something called "Standing for" the restoration of my marriage. It has been a long and gruelingly painful journey, but I have been blessed with many miracles during it, have grown incredibly and have found groups of other Standers to share our burdens with each other. In addition, our daughter has seen miracles and grown in spirit. Still, I dreaded today with its memories and significance. So I got online and shared with just two of my Stander groups about my dread of today. Within minutes, people from across the country had lifted me up in prayer. I started to feel a little better and was able to get to sleep.
LIFTED is the operative word! This morning, I woke up with a heart full of JOY! What a blessed day! I spent most of the morning typing a letter to my estranged husband, reminding him of where we were 20 years ago and how far we have come since then. I imagined his reaction to what I had written. I could not be anything but cheerful and positive and anticipating of his homecoming. I told him to quit his job (near Austin, Texas) and start driving toward Green Bay, Wisconsin (near where I live). He would think I was crazy. I did not send the email.
When I finally went to take my shower, I shouted aloud, "THANK YOU, LORD, FOR RESTORING MY MARRIAGE!" Then, I took myself out to lunch at the restaurant where my friend works. She told me I was GLOWING -- and without ANY makeup! While there, her friend / my acquaintance, an Hispanic server, informed me that he was going to ask me out. It took a few minutes for me to convince him that I cannot date him.
So let's recap: Feeling depressed last night, feeling great this morning and typing a letter to my ex-hero that did not get sent, was told I was glowing, was asked out by an acquaintance... Oh, yes. THEN that same acquaintance started talking to me, out of the blue, about intending to hire an English teacher to help him improve his English.
Believe it or not, I began taking a class last June to become a TEFL (Teaching English to Foreign Learners) certified teacher. I never finished the course, but I do have all the lessons and am now going to go through them -- because I have my first student! Woo Hoo! What a fantastic day!
Do you remember where I said I was 20 years ago? Living with my honey's parents and beginning our new life in such debt we could not afford an apartment.
So, my honey and I drove out to meet Mom's pastor for a few minutes' talk about the commitment of marriage. Then we went home and called our families to invite them to our exchange of vows. (We were very careful to not call it a "wedding" because, like so many women, I still dreamed of a wedding ceremony. That ceremony did not come for seven years, but it did come. It was almost as small as our original wedding and our only family there were our children.) Then, twenty years ago today, Pastor John left during the reception dinner of another wedding he was performing to meet us in his church and officiate the exchange of our vows and rings.
After our exchange of vows, we ate some leftover chili with our family in the basement of the church and opened our single wedding gift (a beautiful ceramic eagle sculpture which was later broken by a certain young man in my living room with a basketball), following which we went to a nice dinner alone with each other and then back to his parents' attic room, where we slept. (Not as romantic as it sounds.)
All day, yesterday, the burden of our upcoming twentieth anniversary loomed over me. You see, this November also marks the fifth anniversary of my discovery of my husband's infatuation with another man's wife -- which also marks the beginning of HIS unbiblical divorce suit against ME. (I wrote down that story, by the way, and called it The Disposable Noble Wife. Although being rated at only 3 stars by Amazon.com readers due to a handful of highly negative reviews, the book won the 2011 Reader's Favorite Silver Award for Christian Romance and has sold thousands of copies!)
Since the discovery of the infidelity and even through our legal divorce, I have been doing something called "Standing for" the restoration of my marriage. It has been a long and gruelingly painful journey, but I have been blessed with many miracles during it, have grown incredibly and have found groups of other Standers to share our burdens with each other. In addition, our daughter has seen miracles and grown in spirit. Still, I dreaded today with its memories and significance. So I got online and shared with just two of my Stander groups about my dread of today. Within minutes, people from across the country had lifted me up in prayer. I started to feel a little better and was able to get to sleep.
LIFTED is the operative word! This morning, I woke up with a heart full of JOY! What a blessed day! I spent most of the morning typing a letter to my estranged husband, reminding him of where we were 20 years ago and how far we have come since then. I imagined his reaction to what I had written. I could not be anything but cheerful and positive and anticipating of his homecoming. I told him to quit his job (near Austin, Texas) and start driving toward Green Bay, Wisconsin (near where I live). He would think I was crazy. I did not send the email.
When I finally went to take my shower, I shouted aloud, "THANK YOU, LORD, FOR RESTORING MY MARRIAGE!" Then, I took myself out to lunch at the restaurant where my friend works. She told me I was GLOWING -- and without ANY makeup! While there, her friend / my acquaintance, an Hispanic server, informed me that he was going to ask me out. It took a few minutes for me to convince him that I cannot date him.
So let's recap: Feeling depressed last night, feeling great this morning and typing a letter to my ex-hero that did not get sent, was told I was glowing, was asked out by an acquaintance... Oh, yes. THEN that same acquaintance started talking to me, out of the blue, about intending to hire an English teacher to help him improve his English.
Believe it or not, I began taking a class last June to become a TEFL (Teaching English to Foreign Learners) certified teacher. I never finished the course, but I do have all the lessons and am now going to go through them -- because I have my first student! Woo Hoo! What a fantastic day!
Do you remember where I said I was 20 years ago? Living with my honey's parents and beginning our new life in such debt we could not afford an apartment.
Twenty years after we took the big plunge, where are we? Well, he is in Texas with his mistress, miserable by the occasional contact I've had with him, and still trying to win a losing battle against God. BUT, as I told my friend today (and she agreed), once the Holy Spirit gets ahold of my husband, he will be a whole new man -- and I WANT that man! ALL the restored marriages I have ever heard of are the happiest of couples. So I am Standing today of all days and full of joy. I am BLESSED with two award-winning books (out of four written), a world-read blog, a mortgage-free house, my first student AND, soon, a restored marriage. (I can feel restoration in my bones!)
What a happy anniversary. (Catch me tomorrow and maybe I will have regained my "sanity." -- Not.)
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