Saturday, January 7, 2012

Eww!

Let it be known that I am human!

>> STOP if you are easily grossed-out. <<

On Wednesday, I headed with my faithful travelling partner, Snickers, to my project house for a specific mission. After two years of work on the property, the house was finally going to have its safety/occupancy inspection! If it passed, I would be approved to move in whenever I felt ready.

Around lunch-time, I stopped at a Golden Corral buffet and went inside for something to eat. Mindful that Snickers awaited me, I ate quickly, used the bathroom and returned to my car to continue my journey. After a while, I felt the uncomfortable yet familiar pressure in my midsection that indicated something I had eaten might not agree too well with me. Fortunately for me, Snickers does not mind his adoptive mother passing a little gas from time to time -- at least, he has never said anything about it. I repositioned my posterior, pressed my left foot on the floorboard to give myself some lift, and let her rip.

I did not hear it. I felt it -- warm and moist: SQUIISSHHH.

"Oh, no!" I thought. I could not believe what I was feeling. Honestly, I cannot even remember the last time I had loose stools. What are the odds I would have an incident of them on an hours-long drive? Needless to say, every last napkin I kept in the side pocket of my car was shoved either down my pants or under my bottom as I continued to drive while keeping myself raised on my left leg. (I did not want to mush anything into my seat !)

Muscles in my leg already beginning to ache, I considered pulling over but decided there was really no way that stopping would help me improve my comfort level in the situation. I decided to push forward to my house. I had over an hour left to drive.

After a few minutes, my "uncomplaining" travelling partner got up from his position of comfort in the back seat. Resting his paws on the console between the front seats, he sniffed the air. As he sniffed, his nose moved around to his right side and back to the left. Then it sniffed downward towards my seat until, with a puff of air near my derrier, Snickers picked up his snout to look directly at me. Without a sound, he then turned back to the comfort of the back seat. As if the discomfort of my aching leg muscles and sitting in a pile of smelly goo were not bad enough, I think my DOG actually snubbed me!

Thankfully, I made it to the house without further incident. But do you know how long it takes to air dry hand-washed pants when the ambient temperature of the air is only 45 degrees (7.22 degrees C)? That was the inside temperature of the house when I got there.

Note: After having to wait a very long time to re-dress in order to go buy my dinner (and new pants), I now keep "emergency" food in my project house in addition to the warm pajamas and blankets that I already had.

Lesson learned: The Boy Scout motto is not all hype.
Always Be Prepared!

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