Captive Audience

Busy day yesterday. I started off in front of my computer, of course. Then I wore my red pajamas to drive Anne to school. (Seriously, I should be "famous" at her school by now for wearing those red pajamas when I drive there almost every morning.) I went home again to shower, dress, eat my breakfast and check my email. Then I took off to go to my doctor's appointment.

My Bumper Sticker

As my bumper stickers arrived on Saturday, my goal for yesterday was to secure bumpers for those stickers. Five people happily agreed to clothe their vehicles with my funny advertising media. One more lady agreed to ask her husband if it would be okay to put my sticker on their car (in the rear window). And one man who saw me hand out some stickers jokingly asked what breed my blog is. (Funny.) I also got invited to a friend's housewarming party, which really brightened my day.

I was at the top of my game when I got to the doctor's office, ready to start my day as soon as my appointment was finished. The receptionist was so impressed by my efficient check-in that she asked me a question about my street name. She wanted to know if I ever saw any white tail deer there. I launched into story in answer and she was very engaged as she listened. I then waited for the doctor feeling like an interesting storyteller.

Next came the nurse, who had trouble pronouncing my last name. My insurance card blends my maiden and married names together. Well, I had to tell the story of why they do that. The nurse listened interactively until I was finished with my story. Again, I felt interesting after speaking to a skilled medical professional. (Hmm.... I wonder why.)

It did not take long for Dr. Tanel to enter the exam room after my story was finished. She was my general practitioner during the later part of college and into the early years of my marriage. Even when I had to drive over an hour to get to her office for a visit, I kept her. Either she is just that good or I am just that loyal, or both. When I moved back to Wisconsin after living over a decade in Texas, I re-adopted her as my doctor. However, when I saw her for the first time, she did not recognize me. That kind of hurt my feelings until Mom suggested that maybe the good doctor did not recognize me because I have grown older.

Yesterday, I decided to remedy the situation by showing Dr. Tanel a picture of me from about the time we moved to Texas. Not wanting to fish through all my old photographs, I just grabbed a proof copy of The Disposable Noble Wife. My picture, taken the year we moved, is right on the front cover. In the doctor's office, I asked again if she remembered me. When she said no, I pulled out the book.

"You wrote a book?" The doctor asked, surprise in her voice.

"I wrote two."

Dr. Tanel started to nod, her eyebrows raised and her lower lip bent upside down. She turned the book over and back, then she opened it. No time to read a book, perhaps she was checking to see if there was writing on the pages? I am not sure, but she appeared impressed. I directed her eyes to my picture on the front cover. She still did not recognize me. That's okay. I feel much better now that my doctor is impressed by my accomplishment.

A few minutes later, the doctor's intense gaze was on the reason for the appointment, my foot, as she peeled away dead flesh with her scalpel to a nasty wart. As she worked, I interjected, "While you have a knife in my foot, let me distract you with a story."

A smile washed over her face. She indicated it was alright for me to go ahead. I began the story of how my other foot began feeling constant pins and needles in 1996, and then my hand started feeling the same pins and needles in late 2007. Neither condition was ever diagnosed, despite CAT scans on both occasions. Both conditions continue to this day and I have finally come up with a self-diagnosis. By this point, the doctor's eyes were fixed on mine. She sat motionless as she listened. I was giving all the details as I wove my tale, trusting she would formulate her own hypothesis as I spoke.

When I finished, I told the doctor my diagnosis. I explained that the treatment I prefer is not covered by insurance, but there is a similar treatment that is covered and I need a prescription for it. She suggested a different diagnosis with a Latin name and referred me to a neurologist for consultation and possible testing. A few hours later, when I got home, I looked up the Latin. It was pretty scary so I decided to ignore it until after my April 6 appointment with the neurologist. (Let's pray really hard that my self-diagnosis is more right than Dr. Tanel's educated guess.)

The bad news is that I now need a bunch of tests run and I may wind up deciding whether or not to have a very scary neurosurgery (always risky business, but frequently riskier to avoid). In addition, my covenant husband is still not even talking to me, he is not even on speaking terms with our daughter (who rightly wants nothing to do with him), and it is pretty frightening to even think of having such a serious neurologic procedure under the present circumstances.

The good news is that several people are helping with my bumper stickers, I got invited to a housewarming party full of people I can't wait to meet (and swap stories with), there may be a real solution for a condition that has irritated and hampered me since 1996, my trusted doctor referred me to an excellent neurologist for his expert opinion (I will keep you all posted with my results), God, Himself, is working on my prodigal husband's hardened heart, I am still covered by State medical coverage for about another year and, most importantly, I am promised another captive audience who will likely hang on my every word as I again tell the story of my tingling foot and hand.

I like visiting the doctor's office. When I go there, I get a complimentary captive audience.