Okay. Seriously?
I just last night put The Disposable Noble Wife back in the KDP Prime lending library. Ran a "FREE" promotion for today. Then this morning I went to look at how many e-books had been given away: 10. (An average of 1 of those will be read.) No problem. It is early in the day. More will go. Right? So I checked back a while later to see how many more had gone. Still 10. Okay. Then a while later. Again, still 10.
Wondering what might be wrong that my AWARD-WINNING book is receiving so little interest as a FREE download, I went to look at the Amazon listing. Lo and behold! It has received yet ANOTHER 1-star review. AWARD-WINNING! People privately telling me how much they LOVE the book and want MORE. As many 1-star and 2-star reviews as 5-star reviews.
Now I know parts of the problem. The major thing is that adultery runs so rampant in our society that it is considered acceptable behavior. Discarding a spouse for infatuation (AKA "true love") is the new norm. The faithful spouse is looked down upon for loving their adulterous spouse through the adultery and seeking reconciliation instead of demanding divorce.
Then, of course, this book has a way of really drawing the reader into the story.
* One of those nasty reviews said the story (which is largely journal entries) is not the way it really happened. That reviewer was from Canada and I do not know anyone from Canada.
* Another review said the book was one-sided. Well, duh. All stories are one-sided.
* One negative reviewer was so distressed by the story that she actually sent me a private email to justify that my husband's adultery was my fault for the years of emotional abuse I had inflicted upon him, to inform me that the Lord would forgive Les for his adultery just as He would forgive me for badmouthing Les, and to tell me that she would pray I found true happiness like she did in her current (I am guessing third) marriage.
* One review called me racist.
* One review said it was not a book at all and people should not waste their money! (Note this person downloaded the book for free.)
* I don't even want to read this most recent negative review!
Another part of the problem, which I have since fixed, is that I tried tacking on a "happy ending" to my award-winning story. That was a mistake and it has been remedied.
Then I also had some complaints about the e-book being difficult to understand when reading the journal entries. That is because of the way e-readers display formatting. I took some advice to attempt a fix by moving the journals to the end of the story, thinking it would be easier to read that way, but I have since reconsidered. The journals are back where they originally were. Instead what I am now trying is I added the word JOURNAL to the beginning and the words UNTIL TOMORROW... to the end of each journal entry. Hopefully, that will be more clearly understood during reading.
And there is always the problem of getting people who will PERSONALLY tell me how much they loved my story and my writing to actually write a review for the book.
Sigh. Well, for the convenience of my faithful readers -- you know, the ones who actually enjoy my writing enough to regularly come and read this blog, I figure you might like to read my newly added author's note and the addendum I added since the book in question was last available for borrowing from the KDP prime lending library. So here they are. Please enjoy.
Beth Durkee
Author Note
Discovering a spouse’s infidelity is a very
lonely road to walk. When I first began that tough journey, there was no written
material to help me feel less alone and there were no other injured spouses near
me to share their stories. This piece, along with my secular self-help guide,
Navigating Marital Abandonment, is my small effort to reduce that situation. I
want the newly injured to have easy access to true stories that will help them
feel less alone.
My secondary aim with this
writing was to draw the true feelings of injury into the public eye. People who
have never realized a spouse’s emotional abandonment (which, thankfully, is
still most people) seem to find it very difficult to truly understand the deep
trauma and surprise involved in such an experience. To them, it is obvious that
the cheater is not worth the trouble and the injured partner should just move
on. For someone whose world and life has been turned upside down in a heartbeat,
such advice is almost as hard to receive as to do.
I find it interesting that as I wrote, the story began to become so
insanely unreal that I, myself, could barely believe what I was writing. I saw
no option but to open and display my personal journals. Years later, I see that
in so doing, I unwittingly detailed an account of narcissism and emotional abuse
while at the same time exemplifying the stark contrast between the commands of
heaven to unconditionally love and the common practice of mankind to seek
self-gratification.
Addendum
Several readers have
requested a sequel to continue this story. As that will not happen, the
following addendum is now included.
The End (?) of the
True Story
The real-life “Faith” continued to keep
her hands folded in prayer rather than lift them against her husband. She did
respond to his divorce suit with a counter-petition for divorce (her only true
legal option), while all the time praying and begging her husband for
reconciliation. He refused reconciliation, lost his own divorce on the grounds
of cruelty, was awarded the equity in the marital home, and was miraculously
laid off from the job where he met “Ngu” on the very day “Faith” and
“Sarah” moved out of their home.
“Les” then moved in with “Ngu” and her
daughters after she divorced her husband. As promised, he ran up his credit
cards during the divorce and filed bankruptcy shortly after he cashed and spent
the equity in the marital house. He is miserable, bitter and blames “Faith” for
all of his misfortune. He saw “Sarah” once following the divorce to justify why
he had the “right to be happy” at her expense, then ignored her until she turned
18. He now does not understand why she is “cold” and refuses to talk to him. He
also hates this book.
As for “Faith,” she moved closer to
family and after being told she could not afford to qualify for a mortgage,
miraculously found a repossessed house for just less than the small amount of
401K that she was awarded in the divorce. Her family helped her with repairs and
she now lives mortgage-free. Although financially struggling on disability
income and the minimal royalties of four self-published books (written after the
divorce) to make ends meet, small miracles regularly provide for her needs. She
still prays for Les’ salvation, but happily enjoys excellent relationships with
both of her children and more friendships than in all her years of marriage.
“Sarah” graduated high school with
honors, was awarded a handsome academic scholarship for college, studies for a
demanding but lucrative career and is quite content to be without a father if
her only option for having one is “Les.”
“Ron” stayed in Texas and is still
working in law enforcement. He has completely blocked out the memory of coming
to his family’s rescue during the break-in, preferring to believe that he heard
about the events from his friends who were on the scene.
“Bitsy” turned into a
fine little dog who learned to come on command…
usually.
* * * * *
In today’s society, adultery is often
glamourized, the adulterer made into the hero of stories while their injured
spouse is vilified. Vows to love, honor and cherish, forsaking all others are
easily discarded because the “hero” has “a right to be happy.” The spouse
wishing to forgive and work through marital difficulties as God commands is
considered needy and weak, having “no backbone.” The story you just read
exemplifies that it actually takes more backbone to stand up for your marital
vows in the face of adultery, than it does to quit when the going gets tough.
What would have happened if “Faith” would have opened the back door of Les’ car
and said, “Do not bother to get up and do not bother to come home for your
things. Let your whore buy you new. You will be hearing from my attorney?” She
may never have endured the difficulties she did, but she would also never have
placed herself in the hand of God and learned to see His
miracles!
As Christians, we should identify many
world views as opposite of what Jesus Christ teaches. Where in the Bible does it
say that anyone has “a right to be happy?” Are not Christians commanded to
suffer for righteousness sake? Does Jesus tell us to divorce our spouses when we
are wronged? Or does He command forgiveness and reconciliation, personally
showing us by example to forgive even while we are being injured? (“Father
forgive them for they know not what they do.”) Our command is love. Our vows are
love. Love requires an attempt to reconcile even when it is not
easy.
Unlike the days of yesteryear, many
today choose to take the arguable Matthew 19 “exception clause” to divorce
unfaithful spouses, then remarry. The ones who choose the more difficult path to
wait and pray for reconciliation are unsupported by their churches, families and
friends, unjustly scorned and told to “get over it and move on” with their
lives. The people saying these things do not realize how hurtful their words are
to the already` injured person.
It should be noted that
in the story you just read, “Les” is an undiagnosed narcissist. His wife,
“Faith,” unwittingly and gradually fell into the burden of codependency for his
narcissism throughout their long marriage. If you look back into the story, you
may be able to pick up on symptoms of codependency from years of emotional
abuse. That aside, though, much of the
behavior you witnessed is quite common amongst adulterers. The injured spouses I
know will attest that they find this story very difficult to read because of how
strikingly similar it is to their own.
If you or someone you know is interested
in reading more about the common behaviors of the “Les”es of the world, my
short, secular book, “Navigating Marital Abandonment,” is available on
Amazon.com and through booksellers on demand. It is also available for Kindle.
To read about How To
Stand For Your Marriage, the Christian book by Ess-Jee Rautenbach is a good
resource.
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