I am up very early. My faithful Snicker-dog woke me up... again. It is always so pleasant to awaken to an incessant soft whining and a scratch on the back of one's hand. Well, at least he was not jumping on the bed and barking at deer out the window this time.
As usual when I awaken in the middle of the night, I wind up thinking of my estranged husband. During the fifteen years we were together, when I awoke in the middle of the night (NOT for the dog whining and scratching at me, though!), I used to look over at him and be comforted by his presence. I was then able to think about him, his love for me, my good fortune and gratitude to have such a loving husband who would always stand beside me, etc, in order to fall more easily back to sleep. Not so while we are apart.
I miss him.
I have a good friend who says, "The next man we get you...." and I have to laugh. This is the same friend who had the good sense to put her drug-addicted husband in jail for his violence towards her and talks to me regularly about how she loves and wants to be with him but needs him to want to get better for that to happen. (I am rooting for her.) I, in turn, talk to her about how much I want my husband to open his eyes and come home. We have even talked about making the long trip to go fetch him. She knows where my heart rests. Yet she says, "The next man we get you...."
So silly.
Of course there is the matter of that waiter who fancies me. I really ought to take care of that, but I just don't want to hurt his feelings. Men just don't understand. I am friendly and seem to like them. (True. I like just about everybody -- especially people in the service industry.) They see a ring on my finger, but I never have my husband with me. I am so tired of trying to justify to them that I am not interested. Legal documents have no authority over a vow. I took a marriage VOW. That's it. Spouse's presence or not, I am taken until the terms of my vow are met.
For a short period of time, I had a male friend who understood my situation (because he was in a similar position). He said I could use him as my alibi. That was nice while it lasted. For now, though... I think I will just keep avoiding the restaurant where the "interested man" works. -- Too bad because there are not many decent Mexican restaurants in Wisconsin and I really like their food. Ah,well. I guess I don't really want to add to my hips anyway.
...And this is the way my thoughts ramble in the middle of the night now that I cannot look beside me and see the sleeping form of the man I swore to love until death parts us. Thanks for keeping me company. It is almost time to get up for the day now. Perhaps I will close my eyes and rest them for just a minute before the sun rises....
As usual when I awaken in the middle of the night, I wind up thinking of my estranged husband. During the fifteen years we were together, when I awoke in the middle of the night (NOT for the dog whining and scratching at me, though!), I used to look over at him and be comforted by his presence. I was then able to think about him, his love for me, my good fortune and gratitude to have such a loving husband who would always stand beside me, etc, in order to fall more easily back to sleep. Not so while we are apart.
I miss him.
I have a good friend who says, "The next man we get you...." and I have to laugh. This is the same friend who had the good sense to put her drug-addicted husband in jail for his violence towards her and talks to me regularly about how she loves and wants to be with him but needs him to want to get better for that to happen. (I am rooting for her.) I, in turn, talk to her about how much I want my husband to open his eyes and come home. We have even talked about making the long trip to go fetch him. She knows where my heart rests. Yet she says, "The next man we get you...."
So silly.
Of course there is the matter of that waiter who fancies me. I really ought to take care of that, but I just don't want to hurt his feelings. Men just don't understand. I am friendly and seem to like them. (True. I like just about everybody -- especially people in the service industry.) They see a ring on my finger, but I never have my husband with me. I am so tired of trying to justify to them that I am not interested. Legal documents have no authority over a vow. I took a marriage VOW. That's it. Spouse's presence or not, I am taken until the terms of my vow are met.
For a short period of time, I had a male friend who understood my situation (because he was in a similar position). He said I could use him as my alibi. That was nice while it lasted. For now, though... I think I will just keep avoiding the restaurant where the "interested man" works. -- Too bad because there are not many decent Mexican restaurants in Wisconsin and I really like their food. Ah,well. I guess I don't really want to add to my hips anyway.
...And this is the way my thoughts ramble in the middle of the night now that I cannot look beside me and see the sleeping form of the man I swore to love until death parts us. Thanks for keeping me company. It is almost time to get up for the day now. Perhaps I will close my eyes and rest them for just a minute before the sun rises....
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