My 22nd wedding anniversary arrived on the day after Thanksgiving this year. It marked just over seven years that I have been without a mate -- just under 7 years since my spouse / ex-spouse decided to stop talking to me.
It is okay that he won't be friendly with me. Cheaters are not my kind of people, anyway. I don't really need to be friendly with the one who used and then abandoned me. What is not okay is that I have been alone since the age of 37. (Do the math to find my age. You should come to the numerical answer of 21.) Being alone sucks and I don't deserve it.
I know that I don't deserve to be alone because nobody does, and my name is not nobody. So, on my 22nd wedding anniversary, I did something radical. I joined a dating site. I did not want to join a free site because I have heard some nightmare stories about them. So I went for the moderately priced, "biggest and best." I paid for a 3-month subscription to Match.com. (It was their minimum term.) I then eagerly began my search for a man, the man who would rescue me from loneliness, boredom and those awkward family gatherings where even the children are partnered and I am not.
First, I decided that I wanted a man who was within 5 years of my age and preferably on the older side. Younger men are okay, but I really need emotional maturity and the incidence of that goes up with age.
Second, I decided I would not repeat the mistake of being with a man whose education was less than my own. I want a man who is at least my intellectual equal.
Third, I selected my "faith" requirement. This is important to me and it is very important within my family. Fortunately, "Christian -- Catholic or Protestant" includes a lot of people in the USA.
Then I chose my preferred ranges of height, ethnicity, smoking frequency, drinking frequency and occupational areas.
Lastly, I needed to decide upon a preferred marital status. Follow my reasoning. Here was my thought process:
I ran my search for my perfect match in increasingly broader geographical distances. When all was said and done, I found 11 matches within a 500 mile radius.
11 in a 500 mile radius? Okay, I thought. It is not a lot of men but I guess I can deal with that. After all, I am only looking for one. Right? Wrong.
It is okay that he won't be friendly with me. Cheaters are not my kind of people, anyway. I don't really need to be friendly with the one who used and then abandoned me. What is not okay is that I have been alone since the age of 37. (Do the math to find my age. You should come to the numerical answer of 21.) Being alone sucks and I don't deserve it.
I know that I don't deserve to be alone because nobody does, and my name is not nobody. So, on my 22nd wedding anniversary, I did something radical. I joined a dating site. I did not want to join a free site because I have heard some nightmare stories about them. So I went for the moderately priced, "biggest and best." I paid for a 3-month subscription to Match.com. (It was their minimum term.) I then eagerly began my search for a man, the man who would rescue me from loneliness, boredom and those awkward family gatherings where even the children are partnered and I am not.
First, I decided that I wanted a man who was within 5 years of my age and preferably on the older side. Younger men are okay, but I really need emotional maturity and the incidence of that goes up with age.
Second, I decided I would not repeat the mistake of being with a man whose education was less than my own. I want a man who is at least my intellectual equal.
Third, I selected my "faith" requirement. This is important to me and it is very important within my family. Fortunately, "Christian -- Catholic or Protestant" includes a lot of people in the USA.
Then I chose my preferred ranges of height, ethnicity, smoking frequency, drinking frequency and occupational areas.
Lastly, I needed to decide upon a preferred marital status. Follow my reasoning. Here was my thought process:
- I hypocritically did not want a divorcee. (Reasoning: Statistics indicate that most divorces are initiated by women, and most women do NOT leave for another man in their lives. This, in turn, indicates dysfunction in the marriage relationship. I don't want a man who is accustomed to contributing to a dysfunctional relationship. I know this is hypocritical since I am divorced. I don't care.)
- I also did not want a never-married man. I have already had one of those and I don't know that I want to go back to being attached to someone who is unaccustomed to making a relationship more important than himself.
- I am definitely not interested in married men, which includes those who are separated. Separated is still married, no matter how you spin it.
- That leaves widowers. Shockingly, this group appeals to me -- a man who stuck it out to the very end without running away in the face of adversity. (Like me!) Plus, bonus, he may have children to come over for holidays and make my family gatherings bigger. I like that idea a lot.
I ran my search for my perfect match in increasingly broader geographical distances. When all was said and done, I found 11 matches within a 500 mile radius.
11 in a 500 mile radius? Okay, I thought. It is not a lot of men but I guess I can deal with that. After all, I am only looking for one. Right? Wrong.
- To Be Continued -
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